Monty's Law states- "If there is rumor of even the slightest bit of treasure
hidden in a deep, dark, dangerous dungeon a group of adventurer's will band
together and wade through the most destructive of traps and monsters to
retrieve it, usually bending every rule in the process."

These are four such adventurers!

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the Who:

Brutus Bouldercrash
Shyverlyn Whitestone (Lady Chaos)
Quickamus Nimble Fingers
Szor Arcstar

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Episode 2: The Dungeon of Doom - Part Two

     Quickamus Nimblefingers, Lady Chaos and Szor Arcstar fell quickly
through the darkness of the chute they had jumped into in an attempt to catch
the shimmering undead that had escaped them.  It was a long drop and the wind
rushed passed them in great gusts.  Quickamus was enjoying the ride, cheering
as they fell, with Lady Chaos right behind him.  She was giggling deliciously
as they fell.  After what seemed like an eternity of falling the chute began
to bend until it was mostly horizontal dumping the adventurers into a dark
and dusty room that smelled old and musty.
     "I told you it would do that.  Dungeon chutes ALWAYS level out,"
Quickamus said laughing into the bag of holding that held the withered body
of the barbarian Brutus Bouldercrash.
     "Duh.  I knew that," Brutus grumbled weakly to himself.  But the
barbarian really hadn't known.  As far as he knew his impulsive friends were
going to get themselves killed and he would spend the rest of his life all
withered and wrinkly inside the bag of holding.
     "Damn.  I didn't get to use my plus ten ring of Feather Floating and
Ten Point Landings,"  Szor cursed as he stood up and wiped the dirty from
his rear end.   Lady Chaos eyed him lustily.
     "If you want I could help you with that nasty little bit of dirt that
has found its way onto your cute little heiney," Lady Chaos said in a little
girl's voice.
     "Back off slut bag!" Szor snapped.
     "Easy there elfie.  We will find another chute for you to try out that
fancy ring of yours," Quickamus said leering at the golden band.  Seeing the
greedy look in the halfling's eyes Szor quickly stashed the ring in the many
folds of his robes.
     "I liked going down the chute.  All the way down," Lady Chaos said
emphasizing the word "down".  Szor groaned and shook his head.
     "As fun as that sounds we need to get to it folks.  There is that
shimmering bastard to find and we need to get Brutus back to his huge dopey
self.  He isn't going to do much good inside the bag," Quickamus order.
Brutus began to complain but the halfling just drew the bag shut and stowed
it on his belt.  "Fan out people and take a look around," Quickamus
continued.
     "Ah, half-humans?  I can't see very well in the dark like you two,"
Lady Chaos said and then came up with a  mischievous plan, "I could always
feel my way around in the dark."  She giggled evilly.
     "Szor?" Quickamus asked with urgency in his voice.
     "Way ahead of you boss," Szor answered.  With an arcane word and a snap
of his fingers the room exploded with a light brighter than the sun.
     "Hey!  Can you please turn that light down?"  He asked shielding his
eyes from the intense light.
     "Sorry.  It's the Mucho Brighticus Lighticus spell.  Its power is based
on the caster's magical ability and since I casted the spell...viola.....
maximum brightness," Szor said bragging.
     "Well use a lesser spells then.  And hurry ‘cuz I can see the bags
under Lady Chaos' eyes," Quickamus said teasing the mischievous priestess.
She threw an angry glare at the halfling and instantly silenced his laughter.
     Szor grumbled and dispelled his mighty spell of light replacing it with
a  standard continual light spell.  He centered it in the middle of the room
and found that it shed more than enough light for their needs.
     After their eyes adjusted to the new light they conducted a quick search
of the room.  They didn't find any signs of the shimmering undead beast they
had battled earlier but they did find many large stone slabs that were
stained with something that could have been dried blood.  Around the stone
slabs were many tables covered with wickedly shaped knives and many strange
instruments that looked like deformed drills and clamps of all sorts.  As
they continued to look around Lady Chaos picked up a strange drill-like
device that had a crank on one end and an odd corkscrew type rod at the
other end.
     "Hmmmm.  I wonder what this is for?" she asked suggestively.  She turned
the crank quickly and watched the curved rod whirl around.  She giggled
mischievously.
     Szor nudged Quickamus and whispered, "Is there anyway to get Shyverlyn
back?  Lady Chaos is disgusting."  Quickamus looked at him with puzzlement.
     "What do you mean?  I think she is kinda sexy...in a dangerous sort of
way,"  He said with a big toothy grin.  Szor just stood there frowning at
the halfling.  Lady Chaos continued to crank on the tool making its odd
shaped end whirl faster and faster making a soft humming noise.
     "Ooooh," she said laughing.
     Quickamus shrugged at the elf and said, "no pain, no gain."  Szor
groaned and walked away.
     Continuing their search the companions came to the conclusion that they
were in some sort of preparation or torture chamber.  Near the back of the
room were a few old forecages.  When Szor referred to them Lady Chaos mumbled
something about "foreskin" and giggled.  Szor ignored the comment and
followed Quickamus into the next room.
     The following room was mostly empty except for a few forecages and iron
maidens.  Finding nothing of interest the adventurers were about to proceed
when something moved in the farthest forecage.  In a blur Quickamus drew
his magical short sword of speed and Szor's hands charged up with arcane
power.  Lady Chaos didn't draw her magical battle mace.  She just stood tall
as the air around her seemed to darken and make her look more sinister.  They
approached the forecage cautiously and prepared to annihilate the dark form
inside of it.
     "Ready to nuke 'em?" Quickamus asked the others.  The two adventurers
nodded viciously.
     "Truce....."  a weary voice called out.
     "What kind of battle cry is that?" Quickamus asked.
     The dark figure in the forecage turned to face the adventurers and they
saw that it was a very hairy and dirty little dwarf.
     "Hairy little bugger ain't he?"  Quickamus commented but still held his
enchanted blade in hand.
     "Ack!  Kill the foul beast!” Szor roared and aimed his glowing hands at
the dwarf.  Quickamus smacked the elf's hands away at the last moment causing
the blast from them to punch a large hole into the ceiling.
     "What are you doing dumb ass?  Do you know how much energy it uses to
cast Everdark's Blast of Ultimate Vaporization?" Szor screeched as he thought
of the wasted magic.
     "You were going to incinerate the dwarf,"  Quickamus said.
     "Damn straight I was.  Dwarves are the scourge of the realms.  All
dwarves must be put to death!"  Szor screamed at the top of his lungs,
foaming at the mouth.
     "You can get your revenge later.  Right now I want some information.
Why is everything deserted down here but this dwarf was left here alive.  It
may be a trap," Quickamus said.
     "Fool," Szor muttered.
     "Peace....I mean you no harm," the dwarf croaked.
     "Like we haven't heard that one before," Quickamus said and laughed.
     "It is a trap.  Blast the evil little dwarf before he kills us all,"
Szor screamed.
     "Shut up idiot," Quickamus said raising a hand to the dwarf.
     "Please let me out," the dwarf pleaded.
     "Like that is going to happen," Szor yelled waving a fiery fist at the
dwarf.
     "Really, I am a prisoner.  The evil priests of this dungeon plan to turn
me into an undead beast.  Fortunately they were called away on urgent
business above and didn't have the time to carve me up," the dwarf
explained.
     "I don't know.  You could already be under their influence," Quickamus
pondered.
     "Maybe you should let me blast him," Szor offered.
     "Maybe you could let me play with him for awhile first," Lady Chaos said
seductively but deadly.  The dwarf seemed surprised and a little frightened
by the priestess' implications.
     "At least let me out so that I can retrieve my armor and weapons to
battle the priests that would do me harm.  May I perish in glorious battle,"
the dwarf said.
     "Would that be magical weapons and armor?” Szor asked greedily.
     "Er, yes," the dwarf said reluctantly.
     "Maybe we should just leave you in there and find those magical items
for ourselves," Szor said grinning as he thought about all that magical loot.
     "Yes, maybe," Quickamus said thinking the same thing.
     "I wanna see if he is hairy all over," Lady Chaos pouted.
     "I know how to pass through the Shifting Mines.  You will never make it
through without me," the dwarf quickly added.  Quickamus studied him for a
moment.  It was hard to tell if the little beast was bluffing under all that
hair and dirt.
     "And why is that so important to us?  Why would we want to go there?
And even if we did, don't we look like capable adventurers?  Powerful and
dangerous adventurers?"  Quickamus asked leaning close to the forecage,
pushing the tip of his magical short sword between the bars.  He just dared
the dwarf to speak foolishly.
     "No one without the proper knowledge may pass through the gauntlet
within the Shifting Mines and claim the treasure at its end," the dwarf
explained.  At the word “treasure" the trio perked up.
     "Maybe we can strike up a deal.  We will release you if you give us
half the treasure the priests stoled from you and ninety percent of the
treasure in those Shifting Mines," Quickamus said smiling.
     The dwarf grinned and instantly answered, "Let me keep my weapons and
armor so that I may battle the evils in this dungeon and you can have all of
the remaining treasure that the priests stole from me."  Hearing this
Quickamus was quick to agree to the dwarf's terms.  He began counting the
treasure in his head.  The dwarf's voice grabbed his attention.  "As for the
Shifting Mines the cut will be fifty-fifty between me and the rest of you."
     "You are offly demanding for the one who is in the cage," Szor snapped.
     "And I am the only one with the knowledge to claim the treasure," the
dwarf added offhandedly.
     Szor grumbled.  "I think that we should blast him and use a speak with
dead spell on him," Szor grumbled.
     "You can't speak with ashes," Quickamus reminded the elf, "besides he
might have to show us certain things later."
     "Oh all right," Szor said.
     "Deal," Quickamus said unlocking the forecage.  Quickly the dwarf
scurried out of the foreacge and jumped to the ground.  He was even shorter
than Quickamus but very thick and muscular.  He landed with a thud and
stretched his aching muscles.  He was dressed in only a loincloth.  Lady
Chaos noticed this a cooed.
     "Not now," Quickamus scolded her and she began to pout once again.
     "I never get to have any fun,” she complained looking suddenly at Szor.
He took a step away from her.
     "Hail dwarf, we are the Fearsome Four, grand adventurers extraordinaire.
I am Quickamus Nimble Fingers and my friends are Szor Arcstar and Shyverlyn
Whitestone," he said pointed at the both of them.
      "Call me Lady Chaos," the priestess said rubbing one hand on her
abdomen and another through her hair.
      "And I am Granite Dunderhead but everyone calls me Rock," the dwarf
said proudly.
     "I think I will just call you Stinky," Szor grumbled.
     "I thought you said you were the Fearsome FOUR?  I only see three of
you," Rock asked.
     "Oh yeah, there is Brutus Bouldercrash but he is a bit indisposed right
now," Quikamus said patting the bag of holding at his waist.  He loosened
the drawstrings a bit.
     "Hello there," a deep voice issued from the bag.  Before the Rock could
question the halfling about the voice, Quickamus spoke.
     "Anyways, now that the formalities are out of the way, lead us to the
treasure Dunderhead," Quickamus ordered.
     "That's Rock," the dwarf said.
     "Whatever," Quickamus said.
     Rock nodded off to the left and led the adventurers to a far corner of
the room.  He pushed on a stone slab table, knocked on the wall twice and
stomped on the floor.  With a loud whoosh a small panel in the wall slid
over revealing a secret stash.  Quickamus' eyes lit up and he dove for the
treasure.
     "Uh uh," Rock said.  Quickamus stopped and sneered at the dwarf.  He
slowly backed up and allowed the dwarf to retrieve his weapons and armor.
Rock pulled out a small shiny suit of dwarven platemail and quickly donned
it.  Next he pulled out an ornate longsword and strapped it on his belt.
Next he pulled out his most prized treasure, his magical dwarven war axe.
It was a huge thing, which looked even bigger in the small dwarf's hands,
but Rock didn't seem to have any trouble wielding it.
     "And our treasure?"  The trio asked the fully equipped dwarf.  Rock
reached into the small recess and pulled out a rather large belt pouch and
handed it to the adventurers.  Quickamus quickly snatched it up and emptied
the contents into Szor's outstretched hands.  Less than fifty gold coins and
a few shards of minor gemstones tumbled out of the bag.
     "What the hell is this?!?"  Quickamus exclaimed.
     "That is all the treasure the priests stole from me minus my weapons
and armor," Rock said smiling.
     "Cheating little bastard," Szor roared and began to chant, preparing a
mighty spell to blast Rock with.  Lady Chaos stepped forward with a familiar
carnivorous glint in her eyes.  Quickamus held up a hand and halted his two
friends.
     "What?!? You don't want me to melt him into slag?"  Szor asked.
     "I can't eat him?" Lady Chaos asked.
     "No," Quickamus said.
     "But he tricked us!!!!" Szor stammered.
     "Yes he did.  And I think I am going to like him," Quickamus said
beaming and shook the dwarf's hand.
     "Why should I listen to you?  Maybe I should just blast him anyways,"
Szor screamed.
     "Because that is how the administrative world works and I am the boss,"
Quickamus said sternly.  Szor thought about it for a moment and stood down.
     "Fine, see what I care," Szor grumbled, "that dwarf will lead you to
your ruin."
     Quickamus turned to Rock.  "Now lead us to these Shifting Mines and
some real treasure."

Next: The Dungeon Of Doom - Part Three

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End Notes:  Here it is, the second part of Monty's Law.  I toned down the
swearing a  bit but I think that it is still just as entertaining.  I tried
to add a few Uber-spell names to the story to show that these adventurers
are UBER.  This episode just introduces Granite "Rock" Dunderhead and shows
Lady Chaos' incredible appetite for sex.  Next episode will show them all in
battle (even Brutus) against superior foes.  Let me know if you want me to
post their stats and equipment.

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Many of the magic items  spells, and other terms used in these stories are
the property of TSR, Inc or based on TSR Inc products.  However, this does
not mean that TSR in any way endorses or authorizes their use, and any such
items contained within these stories should not be considered representative
of TSR in any way, shape, or form.
                                                                          
The characters and the "Monty's Law" concept found in this writing are
copyright 2001-2006 by Donald Hauser.  Any resemblance to any persons or
characters either real or fictional is purely coincidental.  Copying and
distributing of this writing is allowed for entertainment purposes only.
It is not to be used or sold for profit in any part or as a whole.

written by Donald Hauser - donhauser@tds.net
posted at: www.realmquest.com
distributed: 03/10/02 (reposted 04/28/06)

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