Monty’s Law states- “If there is rumor of even the slightest bit of 
treasure hidden in a deep, dark, dangerous dungeon a group of 
adventurer’s will band together and wade through the most destructive 
of traps and monsters to retrieve it, usually bending every rule in the 
process.”

These are five such adventurers!

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the Who:

Brutus Bouldercrash
Shyverlyn Whitestone (Lady Chaos)
Quickamus Nimble Fingers
Szor Arcstar
Granite “Rock” Dunderhead

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Episode 3: All Hands On Deck

     With Rock in the lead the adventurers left the room of fore cages.  
Szor was happy to let the little hairy dwarf take the lead.  There was no 
way he was turning his back on the little bugger.  Szor trusted the 
dwarf even less than he trusted Lady Chaos.  The elf thought of the evil 
witch and her lusty desires to “rough him up” and he shivered.  He had 
to make sure not to get trapped between the two of them
     Rock led the adventurers into a the next room.  Quickamus took a 
look around and saw that they had entered a long hall with high vaulted 
ceiling.  The hall was roughly fifty feet wide and continued on further 
than the eye could see.  The end of the hall was shrouded in darkness 
and gloom.
     “Ooooo, spooky,” Lady Chaos said sarcastically, “maybe someone 
should hold me.”  She giggled seductively at her own joke.
     “Settle down Sluterella.  We’ll take care of all this spooky 
darkness.  Szor?” the Halfling asked snapping his fingers.
     “Your wish is my command Boss,” the elfin mage sneered.  He 
muttered a few arcane words and a tiny bobbling sphere of light winked 
into being in front of the group of adventurers.  In whizzed around in 
tight cheerful circles before flying deep into the darkness that 
shrouded the hall lighting up the walls around them.
     “I don’t see why I can’t flare up the Brighticus spell.  That wimpy 
ball of light just doesn’t cut it,” Szor mumbled angrily.
     “It’s all about stealth elfboy.  We don’t want to alert the whole 
dungeon to our presence now do we?” Quickamus asked.
     “What’s the big deal?  The only thing down here are rotting undead 
and filthy dwarves,” Szor snapped giving Rock a lingering sneer.  
Quickamus glared back.
     “No need to upset our new friend here,” Quickamus said emphasizing 
the word “friend” and smirking at the elf.  He knew how much the mere 
presence of the little dwarf bothered the mage.  Why not take advantage 
of that little fact and keep the elf a little off balance?  Maybe he 
could get just a little bit more treasure out of it.
     “No bother,” Rock suddenly said, “beside there are much more things 
down here than Undead.”
     “Like what?” Quickamus said suddenly interested in this new 
information.
     “Anything that will offer a little bit of fun?”  Lady Chaos asked 
excitedly.  No one said a word.  Rock just shook his head.  “Oh poo.  
You guys are a bunch of duds.”  The others ignored Lady Chaos’ pouting 
and let the dwarf continue.
     “The temple levels and the levels above are filled with undead 
creatures but there are more unholy beasts in the depths below us.  We 
will be meeting many of them as we head for the shifting mines,” Rock 
explained.
     “What exactly are we going to meet us with?” Quickamus asked 
growing impatiently.
     “There better be some magic to find.  That is if the dwarf isn’t 
leading us into a trap,” Szor snapped.  Quickamus noticed that the dwarf 
was smiling under his massive amount of facial hair.  Maybe the dwarf 
was having a bit of fun with the elf too.
     He better not have too much fun.  That elf is my bitch, Quickamus 
thought.  He’d definitely have to keep an eye on their new “friend.”
     “Continue,” Quickamus grunted.
     “First off there is a hoard of kobolds and Dark Goblins below us,” 
Rock started.
     “Bah.  Goblins are no problem.  I’ll just vaporize them with one of 
my spells.  Hardly a challenge,” Szor sneered.
     Rock continued his speech.  “They are joined by Ogres, Deep Gnolls 
and a few Drow and Dreuger.”
     “The Dreugar are just exceptionally corrupt dwarves and the Drow?  
The Deep Elves are no problem for my magic’s,” Szor scoffed.  He snapped 
his fingers and a puff of eldritch magic soared into the air before 
dissipating into a shower of sparkles.
     “Ooooh, Dark meat,” Lady Chaos purred with anticipation.  
     “I would not overestimate your powers elf.  While we are most 
definitely more powerful, they have the sheer numbers.  There are 
thousands of them down there,” Rock said.
     “Funny, you don’t seem very scared dwarf?” Szor asked.
     “Yeah, if they are such a problem, why no concern?” Quickamus 
asked.  His limited trust in the dwarf quickly dissolving.  “You have 
some special arrangement with the Dreugar maybe?”
     “You don’t seem to worried either,” Rock asked the Halfling.
     “Nothing scares me.  I can handle anything,” Quickamus boasted 
suddenly flourishing his short sword in a furious way.
     “Me too,” Rock said and patted the huge battle axe strapped to his 
belt.  He smiled a particularly toothy grin.  A mischievous sparkle 
filled his beady little eyes.  For a second the chaotic look took 
Quickamus aback.  Even Szor took a step back.  The look was the first 
display of emotion that betrayed the dwarf’s cool and collected nature.  
For a moment it unnerved the Halfling.  He swallowed hard and regained 
his composure. 
     “Anything else?” Quickamus barked.  He was angry with himself for 
the momentary lapse in his cool.  Rock nodded his head and remained 
silence.  The lusty sparkle of power had left his eyes.  Quickamus 
hastily motioned toward the far end of a tunnel.
     The adventurers started down the length of the hall and got their 
first good look at their surroundings.  Along the left and right walls 
of the  great hall were large stone cisterns and between each of them 
was a large circular grate in the floor.  The adventurers eyed them with 
curiosity.
     “I wonder what is down there?  Quicamus asked.
     “You think there is a bit of treasure?  Szor asked the Halfling 
with a suggestive look.
     Quickamus made for one of the nearby grates and was stopped short 
by Rock.  The Halfling looked at the hand that grasped his arm.
     “You wanna remove that hand before I do son?” Quickamus asked with 
a sharp tongue, “just because I let you out of that cage doesn’t mean 
that we are friends.  You gotta earn that privilege.”  Rock let go of 
the Halfling with a shrug.
     “I was just going to warn you about the grates.”  he said.
     “Here is a bit of warning for you.  I don’t know you and I don’t 
trust you.  Hell.  I don’t even trust the others,” Quickamus said 
pointing a thumb back at his fellow adventurers.  The others laughed.
     “Right back at you,” Szor said with a chuckle.
     “Well that may be but I would advise entering the grates,” Rock 
stated flatly.
     “Why is that dwarf?”  You hiding something in there?  You trying to 
swindle us again?” Szor asked with clenched fists.
     “No.  It’s just that all the spare parts that the priests have 
after creating new undead get thrown in the grates.  You never know 
what’s festering in them,” Rock explained.
     “Sounds like the perfect place to hide treasure,” Szor said with a 
devious smile.
     “Way ahead of you buddy,” Quickamus said and rushed toward the 
nearest grate.
     “This is foolishness,” Rock muttered.  Szor leaned over to whisper 
something to the dwarf.
     “No. Its foolish to cross us.  Especially me,” he quietly said to 
the dwarf.
     Quickamus ran over to the nearest grate and shoved his hands 
between the bars.  Grabbing the cold steel he gave a quick jerk and 
noisily ripped the grate from the surrounding stone.  
     “Amazing strength….” Rock mumbled.
     “Yeah.  Thanks to my Girdle of Mountain Giant Strength,” Quickamus 
said smiling as he patted the narrow belt around his waist.
     “Doesn’t everyone?  Got me a Belt of Cloud Giant Strength,” Rock 
said patting his own belt.  Quickamus frowned at the more powerful belt 
before quickly turning away from the dwarf.  Somehow he had to relieve 
Rock of his belt.
     Quickamus peered down into the dark hole and noted nothing stood 
out.
     “Nothing giving off heat down there,” Quickamus said over his 
shoulder.
     “There could be undead down there.  Want me to blast the pit 
first,” Szor asked itching do perform some magic.
     “No, you’d just destroy any treasure down there,” he said 
remembering the incident with the skeleton hoard.  Quickamus hoisted 
himself over the edge of the pit and scurried down the pit’s wall.
     “Boy, he sure can go down fast.  No second thoughts, no 
complaining, incredible,” Lady Chaos said amazed.  With the hungry look 
in her eyes Szor was surprised that she wasn’t dropping.
     “Don’t you ever get sick of thinking about sex?” Szor asked the 
priestess flatly.  Lady Chaos just stared at the elf.  She blinked once 
but didn’t otherwise move or speak.
     “Do you?” Szor asked again.  He was beginning to get annoyed.  He 
hated having to repeat himself.  Finally Lady Chaos spoke.
     “What kind of question is that?  Of course I don’t  What else is 
there in life?” Lady Chaos asked in return.
     “Well there is always magic,” Szor said proudly.
     “That is your fantasy not mine,” Lady Chaos said.
     “And what’s yours?
     Szor asked and immediately realized that he didn’t really want to 
know.
     “How could you asked a lady a question like that?” Lady Chaos asked 
teasingly.
     “I dunno.  When I find one I’ll ask,” Szor said.  Lady Chaos glared 
at the elf and was about to smack him around when Quickamus flew quickly 
from the pit and landed next to the quarreling pair.  His cloak fluttered 
behind him.
     “You can fly?” Szor asked surprised.
     “Of course dumb ass.  What do you think this cloak is for?  Just to 
make me look good?” Quickamus asked proudly.
     “You think it makes you look good?” Szor asked laughing 
hysterically.
     “Ha, Ha, smart ass,” Quickamus snapped, “you’d better get ready.”
     “For what?” the elfin mage asked.
     “Those,” Quickamus said pointing at the pit. Suddenly a hoard of 
decapitated hands crawled out of the pit and into the hall.  Each one 
was the size of a humans hand or smaller and crawled quickly along the 
ground on its fingers.  They were gray and fleshy and in various states 
of decay.
     “What the hell?” Szor yelled, instantly raising fiery fists into 
the air in front of him.  With a flurry of hand gestures a blast of 
searing white fire flew  toward the pit and engulfed the hoard of hands.
     “Heh, that should take care of them,” Szor chuckled.  His laughter 
was quickly stifled as the fire died down and revealed a hoard of 
skeletal hands racing toward the adventurers.
     “Great.  All you managed to do was make it smelly in here,” 
Quickamus said sniffing at the smell of burnt flesh.  “now we are going 
to be overrun by rampant boney hands!”
     “Finally I will be able to feel the caress of many hands across my 
whole body!”  Lady Chaos screamed with delight.  She dropped to her knees 
and yelled.  “Come and get it boys!”
     Quickamus looked and Szor and rolled his eyes.  “Well she is going 
to be useless in this fight.”  The Halfling drew his magical short sword 
and prepared to attack the skeletal hands when he heard a blood curdling 
shriek.  
     Rock had armed himself with his huge battle axe.  He looked 
ridiculously small compared to it but held it out in front of him with 
ease.  The eerie scream had come from him.  It was some sort of primal 
battle cry.  A strange savage glint shown in Rock’s eyes and drool fell 
from his lips.  The dwarf gurgled something unintelligible and tore into 
the skeletal hands.  With each swipe of his huge axe dozens of hands 
were shattered into piles of broken bones.  As he found on hands crawled 
up and down his body, some pulling his hair, others trying to poke him 
in the eyes or restrain his muscular arms.  More and more skeletal hands,
some covered in bits of burnt flesh others fully gloved in gray skin, 
crept from the pit.  
     Quickamus watched the hands overrun Rock as Szor watched Lady Chaos 
writhe in pleasure as the hands crept across her body.  Some of them 
where doing inappropriate things to her.  And she didn’t seem to mind.
     “Should we get to it?” the Halfling asked Szor.  The elf nodded and 
the pair entered the fray.  With his accelerated  speed Quickamus was 
able to skewer hand after hand but was finding that the vast amount of 
opponents was making the footing in the hall treacherous.  He also found 
that the hands were beginning to stick on the end of his sword.  Szor 
was doing his best to blast the hands with all sorts of magic and 
flaming missiles but was finding it hard to target the squirming 
creatures.
     “Damn!  I can’t get off an area spell in this mess,” Szor 
complained, “what I wouldn’t give to loose an Acid Rain spell in here.”
     “DUCK!” Quickamus yelled.
     “Wha,” Szor managed to utter as he fell to the floor narrowly being 
missed by the blade of Rock’s axe.
     “You son of a bitch!  You tried to behead me!” Szor raged, cursing 
the dwarf.  Quickamus raced over to the fallen elf and helped pick him 
up before the mage was overrun by the undead hands.
     “I think not.  Look at that crazy dwarf,” Quickamus said pointing 
at Rock.  The dwarf had lost it.  He was deep in the red haze of 
berserking battle lust swinging wildly at the skeletal hands.  He cared 
not for anyone that got in his way.
     “I still think it was intentional,” Szor muttered as he grabbed a 
hand from his robes and threw it to the floor.
     “Let it go,” Quickamus said and slashed at a particularly pesky 
hand.  “These things are more annoying than anything so lets end this,” 
Quickamus said with a smile.
     “Really?  Can I?” Szor asked excitedly.
     “Sure. Let it rain,” Quickamus said as he began looking for cover.
     Szor began to chant calling forth a great surge of magic.  As he 
prepared to let loose his spell Rock let out a mighty roar and chopped 
at a few hands that were crawling on a nearby cistern.  As axe hit stone 
the great stone vat splintered.  A great crack ran up its surface.  With 
a mighty roar it split open and dumped its gooey contents into the hall.  
The adventurers were washed in a mix of soupy water filled with rotting 
flesh and other nasty smelling crud.  Once the water finished pouring 
out of the cistern a large semi transparent blob oozed out of the ruined 
cistern.  It lunged for Quickamus who expertly dodged to the side.  Szor 
focused his spell on the monstrosity.  A haze grew over the slime beast 
and quickly began to rain large drops of acid onto it.  Every place that 
a drop of rain hit the giant ooze a wisp of acrid smoke curled up into 
the air.  The ooze thrashed above, smashing the cistern halves to dust, 
and appeared to be trying to flee the cloud of acid rain above it.  
Suddenly it stopped as it were frozen in place.  Quickamus looked 
questionably at Szor but the elf only shrugged.  He has done nothing to 
immobilize the ooze.  With a smoldering surface the ooze suddenly lifted 
its bulk into the air.  A large column of fleshy goo rose upon everything
else.  The pseudo pod of goo pierced the acid clod.  The massive ooze 
shivered at the large spark of static electricity that marked the 
invasion.  Slowly the gooey arm absorbed the cloud and effectively 
cancelled the spell.
     “Oh Shit!”  Quickamus and Szor said at the same time.
  

Next: An Ooey Gooey Situation

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End Notes:  A good thing happened the other day.  I was doing some Fall 
cleaning and I found the notes that I had written for Chapter 3 and a few 
scribbles for Chapter 4.  I had pretty much given up on finishing any more 
chapters for Monty’s Law but after re-reading Chapters 1 and 2 I just had 
to finish 3 and 4.  I’ve done a lot of writing he last 3 years so the 
style between 2 and 3 might be a little different but I think you will 
like it none-the-same.  By popular demand I might go beyond chapter 4 
with a few more chapters.

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Many of the magic items  spells, and other terms used in these stories 
are the property of TSR, Inc or based on TSR Inc products.  However, 
this does not mean that TSR in any way endorses or authorizes their use, 
and any such items contained within these stories should not be 
considered representative of TSR in any way, shape, or form.                                             
                                                                          
The characters and the “Monty’s Law” concept found in this writing are 
copyright 2001-2006 by Donald Hauser.  Any resemblance to any persons or 
characters either real or fictional is purely coincidental.  Copying and 
distributing of this writing is allowed for entertainment purposes only. 
It is not to be used or sold for profit in any part or as a whole. 

written by Donald Hauser - donhauser@tds.net
posted at: www.realmquest.com
completed: 10/23/05 (reposted: 04/28/06)

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